Operation Dirt Drop
was not successful.
As a result of my weekend landscaping endeavors, I have ended up with a large pile of dirt in my side yard -- I am truly amazed at how quickly these types of piles grow. What to do with such a pile?
In the past, I have transported such piles to other home construction sites in my neighborhood. There was an unwritten rule with the builders... take or leave as much landscaping dirt/sod/rock as you want, just not while the builders are there. Even though they would post no dumping signs, and technically dumping dirt there would be illegal, nobody cared. The neighbors would partake in this ritual too.
There are no more construction sites in my neighborhood, and while I'm sure other neighborhoods have similar unwritten norms, perhaps if an outsider (me) were to pull up and start off-loading dirt, someone would take offense, and officer Todd W would show up.
My solution -- a clandestine dirt drop. It's not like I sleep at night. So I loaded up the back of Sean's beater truck with most of the dirt -- I didn't put it all in because hunger and mother nature caught up to me before I could finish.
Running some errands this evening with the wife, I spied the perfect place. So this evening at around 23:00, I headed out. I planned to use the universal "pick-up truck payload relocation" technique to rid myself of said dirt -- also known as Newton's first law of motion.
Say it with me... Everyone knows the 3 laws.
Law 1 -- If no external force acts on a particle, then it is possible to select a set of reference frames, called inertial reference frames, observed from which the particle moves without any change in velocity.
Layman's version -- An object in motion will stay in motion, unless acted upon by and external force. An object at rest will stay at rest, unless acted upon by an external force. Inertia for short.
It's simple. To move something in the truck bed to the cabin end, get some speed, and then stop suddenly. To move something in the bed to the tailgate end, either quickly take off, or while in reverse, get some speed and stop suddenly.
At this time, I would like to point out that the wife passed on accompanying me on Operation Dirt Drop, saying that someone needed to stay behind to bail me out, when the police arrested me. And when I explained the genius of my plan (inertia) to drop the dirt, her response was "And you think Sean's truck will be able to either stop or start quickly enough to accomplish this?" "I hope so."
23:00 - head out
23:13 - arrive at specified location, and extinguish all lights (there are inhabited houses all around.)
23:15 - drop tailgate, and make first attempt. While stationary, attempt quick acceleration (object at rest technique).
23:15.15 - nothing happened. No movement of payload.
23:15.17 - curse.
23:16 - attempt number 2. Again, stationary; quick (as truck allows) acceleration.
23:16.15 nothing happens.
23:16.17 - curse.
23:18 - attempt "object in motion will stay in motion" technique. Get some speed up, while in reverse and attempt to stop quickly. Didn't stop so quickly. Ran up on dirt pile. (Don't worry Sean, pile isn't big... more like small gradual hill.)
23:18.20 - curse again.
I try a couple of more times in each direction, but nothing happens. You'd think the story ends here, but this is when it gets good.
Admitting defeat this time around, I'm going to head home, but I need to put the tailgate up, because with my luck, while driving the payload will now decide to obey the laws of Newtonian physics.
I haven't mentioned yet that the times above are made up. In actuality, the area I was in was surprisingly busy with cars at this time, especially for a Monday night. There was a lot of waiting for cars to pass by before I made attempts.
When I lowered the tailgate originally, some of the dirt and rocks tumbled down onto the tailgate. While trying to force the tailgate closed, the bottom right corner of the tailgate comes off the truck. The other corner, and both fold down hinges are still connected, but the corner is definitely off. CRAP!
Fooling around with the tailgate some more, only manages to free the other lower corner. It's now 23:40ish at night, cars are driving past every couple of minutes, and I'm partially holding a truck tailgate in my hands. Have I mentioned, I need to be home by 00:22 to bid on a bicycle part on eBay for my father-in-law... a must have part?
I manage to prop the tailgate up with my leg on one side and man-handle the fold down hinge off. I then slide over to the other side and finagle that hinge off as well.
It would appear, I'm going to have to shovel the dirt off the truck just like I shoveled it on...
I throw the tailgate in the bed of the truck (up near the cabin, in case the dirt decides to fall out while driving), and head home with my tail(gate) between my legs.
P.S. Yes, a tailgate to a 1980's full size pick-up is somewhat heavy.
P.P.S. Yes, we won the must have part.
I'm going to bed!
As a result of my weekend landscaping endeavors, I have ended up with a large pile of dirt in my side yard -- I am truly amazed at how quickly these types of piles grow. What to do with such a pile?
In the past, I have transported such piles to other home construction sites in my neighborhood. There was an unwritten rule with the builders... take or leave as much landscaping dirt/sod/rock as you want, just not while the builders are there. Even though they would post no dumping signs, and technically dumping dirt there would be illegal, nobody cared. The neighbors would partake in this ritual too.
There are no more construction sites in my neighborhood, and while I'm sure other neighborhoods have similar unwritten norms, perhaps if an outsider (me) were to pull up and start off-loading dirt, someone would take offense, and officer Todd W would show up.
My solution -- a clandestine dirt drop. It's not like I sleep at night. So I loaded up the back of Sean's beater truck with most of the dirt -- I didn't put it all in because hunger and mother nature caught up to me before I could finish.
Running some errands this evening with the wife, I spied the perfect place. So this evening at around 23:00, I headed out. I planned to use the universal "pick-up truck payload relocation" technique to rid myself of said dirt -- also known as Newton's first law of motion.
Say it with me... Everyone knows the 3 laws.
Law 1 -- If no external force acts on a particle, then it is possible to select a set of reference frames, called inertial reference frames, observed from which the particle moves without any change in velocity.
Layman's version -- An object in motion will stay in motion, unless acted upon by and external force. An object at rest will stay at rest, unless acted upon by an external force. Inertia for short.
It's simple. To move something in the truck bed to the cabin end, get some speed, and then stop suddenly. To move something in the bed to the tailgate end, either quickly take off, or while in reverse, get some speed and stop suddenly.
At this time, I would like to point out that the wife passed on accompanying me on Operation Dirt Drop, saying that someone needed to stay behind to bail me out, when the police arrested me. And when I explained the genius of my plan (inertia) to drop the dirt, her response was "And you think Sean's truck will be able to either stop or start quickly enough to accomplish this?" "I hope so."
23:00 - head out
23:13 - arrive at specified location, and extinguish all lights (there are inhabited houses all around.)
23:15 - drop tailgate, and make first attempt. While stationary, attempt quick acceleration (object at rest technique).
23:15.15 - nothing happened. No movement of payload.
23:15.17 - curse.
23:16 - attempt number 2. Again, stationary; quick (as truck allows) acceleration.
23:16.15 nothing happens.
23:16.17 - curse.
23:18 - attempt "object in motion will stay in motion" technique. Get some speed up, while in reverse and attempt to stop quickly. Didn't stop so quickly. Ran up on dirt pile. (Don't worry Sean, pile isn't big... more like small gradual hill.)
23:18.20 - curse again.
I try a couple of more times in each direction, but nothing happens. You'd think the story ends here, but this is when it gets good.
Admitting defeat this time around, I'm going to head home, but I need to put the tailgate up, because with my luck, while driving the payload will now decide to obey the laws of Newtonian physics.
I haven't mentioned yet that the times above are made up. In actuality, the area I was in was surprisingly busy with cars at this time, especially for a Monday night. There was a lot of waiting for cars to pass by before I made attempts.
When I lowered the tailgate originally, some of the dirt and rocks tumbled down onto the tailgate. While trying to force the tailgate closed, the bottom right corner of the tailgate comes off the truck. The other corner, and both fold down hinges are still connected, but the corner is definitely off. CRAP!
Fooling around with the tailgate some more, only manages to free the other lower corner. It's now 23:40ish at night, cars are driving past every couple of minutes, and I'm partially holding a truck tailgate in my hands. Have I mentioned, I need to be home by 00:22 to bid on a bicycle part on eBay for my father-in-law... a must have part?
I manage to prop the tailgate up with my leg on one side and man-handle the fold down hinge off. I then slide over to the other side and finagle that hinge off as well.
It would appear, I'm going to have to shovel the dirt off the truck just like I shoveled it on...
I throw the tailgate in the bed of the truck (up near the cabin, in case the dirt decides to fall out while driving), and head home with my tail(gate) between my legs.
P.S. Yes, a tailgate to a 1980's full size pick-up is somewhat heavy.
P.P.S. Yes, we won the must have part.
I'm going to bed!
posted by Rich B | 11:51 PM
2 Comments:
That is one of the best stories I have heard in a long time!
I especially enjoy the Science refresher. Although you forgot to account for friction. Friction will kill you every time.
Yes... I was unable to account for the coefficient of friction.
I figure once I unload some (half) of the dirt, my theory should work -- but again, Sean's truck isn't good a quick take-offs or stops.
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