Ouch! That Hurt!

Anybody ever see the movie "City of Angels"? Remember the part where Nicholas Cage's character cuts through his finger, but because he's an angel, nothing happens?

Well, apparently, I'm no angel.

Last Saturday while cutting an onion up for use with dinner, I sliced into my pinkie finger. It freakin' HURT!

However, the wife, was very cool under pressure... That is if you want to count jumping up and down screaming "Oh my God!!! Oh my God!!!" Within a minute or two, she calmed down enough to run to the basement and get a roll of paper towels -- we were out in the kitchen.

I didn't really need the 20+ sheets she tore off for me, but I appreciated the thought.

To sum things up, it was the tip of the pinkie, I did not go the hospital or doctors (despite the wife's protests), I bleed until Tuesday, and looking at it now, I went more than 1/3 the way through the finger, but not quite half way. I did manage to slice part way through my finger nail, but it's a clean slice -- apparently my knives are extremely sharp, and most importantly... it still HURTS like you wouldn't believe if I bang it with anything.

My one friend (he also happens to be my boss), has proposed the experiment, whereby I just cut that part of my finger off and see if it grows back. I told him I'd pass on that one.

My NOT so Super Powers

First, let me say that growing up, my favorite superhero was Spiderman. In a short while you'll understand the importance of this.

In a recent post I had made reference to a blogable event that was on-going that would be revealed soon... Well here it is.

Short time ago, I had noticed a bug bite on my hand. Upon examination, the bite was swollen, and had a red outer ring, but the area immediately around the bite was pretty much pure white. There were really no other symptoms at the time.

Upon telling the wife (she was with me when I noticed the bite), she immediately latched onto the idea that I had the beginnings of Lyme's Disease. My reaction, was "you're crazy!" As the next several days passed, joints in my right arm (hand included), shoulders, and some in my left arm started to get sore.

Researching the symptoms of Lyme disease, I had many (but not all the symptoms.) The most prominent were the red ring around the white bite, sore joints, and fatigue. I have to admit that during this period of time, I was EXTREMELY tired pretty much all the time -- I'm pretty sure it was work related, but hey... maybe I did have Lyme disease...

So I went and got tested. Results are negative. So, what was the bug bite, and reason for my symptoms? Current theory by my doctor was that I was bitten by a spider, and the spider's toxin would account for the bite mark and my sore joints... fatigue? Probably work, but could/maybe/possibly be somewhat related... but probably work.

SO... I was bitten by a spider... Given that I live less than 10 miles from the site of the worst Nuclear incident in US History, I'm hoping it was an irradiated spider... That would give me Spidey Powers! (note the Spiderman tie-in).

While waiting for my powers to develop, the wife and I talked about what they would be (she was humoring me). I told her, it would be GREAT to develop the web shooting thing, but that I was worried about where I would be shooting from. A spider pretty much shoots from their rear-end. I don't think York would appreciate me swinging around the great metropolis that it is, shooting spider web from my behind.

The fact that the movie version of Spiderman developed the web shooting from his wrists was just luck (hollywood luck). Think about it, for a spider pretty much all of their appendages are the same; what would stop me from developing the web shooters in my ankles for example? Come on... this is me and my luck we are talking about.

Super strength, improved/perfect eyesight? I'll take it, but with my luck, I'd develop the 6 extra eyes, and need another 3 pair of glasses because I'd have the same crappy vision. Nevertheless, I was optimistic.

Well, I am happy to report that it would appear that I do possess some spider powers, but true to my luck (crappy luck), it is pretty much worthless.

My power is: I can more often than not catch flies out of the air as they buzz around the house. At least I have been very successful as of late in catching flies out of mid-air.

Not such a super-power as super-powers go. Crap!

Regret

My friend Sean and I have often talked about going out to Whistler - Blackcomb for a snowboard outing.

Perhaps it's better (for me at least) that we haven't done this yet.

Exploding Cantaloupe

OK... Perhaps "exploding" is too strong a word here, but I'll describe the incident, and you let me know.

I bought a cantaloupe from our local Giant grocery store last weekend -- I've been meaning to post this for a while, but just haven't.

I didn't get to cutting up the cantaloupe as I had planned, so when I went to bed that night, I just left it sitting on the counter -- it's not refrigerated at the grocery store, so why should I have to refrigerate it at home?

Well, when I came down the next morning, small cracks had formed on the cantaloupe and the cantaloupe juice had leaked out. However, the most disconcerting thing was that the top of the cantaloupe was covered in some type of foam substance.

Anybody ever hear of this type of thing?

Medical Results

Turns out the wife has a very small fracture in her tibia (the shin bone), right at the top of the bone.

Treatment - crutches and no weight on the affected leg for 6 weeks.

The doctor said he can spot those who will cheat. Said she'll cheat. She's cheating; not much but cheating nonetheless.

He told her that he'll see her back after 6 weeks, and if it's still not healed, he'll give her another 6 weeks with crutches.

Now, as for Chuck volunteering to take her place on vacation... Chuck, while I appreciate the offer, I do not believe that I would like to take someone along who is going to be hitting me all the time... I know what a pinch hitter is, but I don't like the sound of a "punch hitter."

Chuck's comment: "Do you need a punch hitter to go with you if she can't make it? "

Wife's Medical Condition Updated

After the MRI last evening, it has been learned that there is no ligament damage at all.

Whew! Now the bad news.

She apparently has a "knee fracture". One of the 3 bones (Femur, Patella, Tibia) around the knee has a fracture in it... We have an appointment at a local orthopedic center this evening to see a specialist and discover which one, and exactly how bad.

For my immediate friends reading this (Jerry, Sean, and I believe Scott A) they are all intimately familiar with this place -- OSS. At one point in time, all of us (myself included) were going here for treatment of one thing or other.

Perhaps we really should look into that group discount we joked about.

Just Shoot Me!

And I'm not talking about the David Spade TV Show.

I'm talking about my luck.

Two weeks to go before the wife and I leave for vacation, and she is now facing the prospect of knee surgery. She's done something to her knee, but we don't exactly know yet. She goes for an MRI Tuesday night, but the current thought is that she has a tear in one of her ligaments. Surgery is only IF the tear is big enough, but hopefully a series of cortizone shots will be the answer -- but we'll not know until after the MRI.

How is this my bad luck, and not hers? Well to be honest, this is having a greater impact on her, but it's my blog, so it's written from my point of view.

There are other reasons this is so irritating for me, but this being a public forum, I really can't get into them, suffice to say that the current situation is extremely distressing to both of us.

If you feel that you must absolutely know why this is so distressing, you can ask, but depending on who you are, I may not answer.

Weird Billy Joel Morning

Just because I need mindless drivel occasionally...

Driving into work this morning, I was flipping through my radio presets... I have 6 presets. I noticed that of these 6, Billy Joel was playing on three of them.

Preset 3 - Piano Man
Preset 4 - Big Shot
Preset 5 - Big Shot (yep same song... about 10 seconds ahead of previous station).

Is there anyway I can play "Billy Joel" in this week's lottery? Perhaps playing the number of letters in each of his first, middle, and last names?

His realy name is William Martin Joel. So, do I play 764, or 564? I suppose I'll need to blow $2, and play both.

Work Laptop - Just my luck.

A couple of weeks ago, my work laptop began making a clicking noise... For those non-computer people out there, laptops (any computer for that matter) should not make clicking noises.

It was coming from the hard drive. It just suddenly started on this particular day. I immediately realized what the issue was, and got out my handy-dandy 1GB Swiss Army knife memory stick that was gifted to me by my employees for Christmas one year.

My plan was to transfer off my data (documents, photos, installer programs, etc...) onto the memory stick. I no sooner plugged the device into the laptop and opened Windows Explorer to start copying files, then my laptop blue screened on me. Subsequent attempts to boot the laptop ended with the "No Boot Device Found" message -- basically the hard drive had died, and I was unable to get any info copied.

After leaving the laptop sit, undisturbed for a period of time, and after securing another laptop on which to do my work, I was able to boot my original laptop up. I had nothing to lose, so I took the hard drive out, and smacked it around a little... I'm not kidding... I smacked it a couple of times. I figured it was a mechanical failure (the clicking noise), and that smacking it, might temporarily loosen / free / move whatever physical part froze or broke.

You may laugh, but it worked. The laptop booted, and I was able to transfer all the data I wanted onto the memory stick. Realizing that the hard drive was in no way suitable for dependable operations, I purchased a replacement hard drive from eBay.

"It's a work laptop, why would you purchase parts yourself?" The answer to that question is easy. Until now, I have successfully avoided having the laptop Comcastrated -- meaning Comcast's IT department hasn't touched the laptop, nor removed my admin privileges for the laptop. Not only do I need admin privileges to do my job, it's really annoying to not have them, PLUS (and ask any ex-Suscomer), anytime Comcast IT touches your computer, just plan on spending the rest of the day saying "I don't know... They came over to do X, and now it won't boot."

Got the new hard drive and installed it. Installed Windows XP, and all the programs I needed... The laptop is back in business.

Now, here's where my luck comes in... When I insert the memory stick into the laptop to copy the data off, the message says:

"USB Device Not Recognized. One of the USB Devices attached to this computer has malfunctioned."

It's not just this laptop... I get the same message from every computer this thing get plugged into. I can't even format the stick and start over... it's broke.

Just my luck.

How do I become a contestant

OK... I missed this past Thursday's "Smarter than a 5th Grader", because my brother came up for dinner / visit (see previous entry), but I recorded it. I watched the recording last evening.

Short version, I knew all the answers, save one, however, the kid on the show had the right answer, so I would have been saved. I even knew the answer to the $1 million question -- and for the record, I told the wife before I saw the question, that I would have gone for the $1 million dollars. Basically, if the final category is either math or astronomy, I would go for $1 million.

After watching the show (and I have to admit I like watching the recorded version, because I can skip through the commercials and filler and just get to the questions), I visited FOX's website to see how to become a contestant... Are there try-outs? Do you mail your name in, and perhaps get drawn from a vast list of names? How do you get on the show?

In short, I can't find the answer to that.

If anybody knows how to become a contestant, I want in. I'm convinced that I would be much more nervous once on the show, than I am sitting at home; and I'm curious as to whether I would do as well on the show, but what the heck... I'll try.

Operation Dirt Drop

was not successful.

As a result of my weekend landscaping endeavors, I have ended up with a large pile of dirt in my side yard -- I am truly amazed at how quickly these types of piles grow. What to do with such a pile?

In the past, I have transported such piles to other home construction sites in my neighborhood. There was an unwritten rule with the builders... take or leave as much landscaping dirt/sod/rock as you want, just not while the builders are there. Even though they would post no dumping signs, and technically dumping dirt there would be illegal, nobody cared. The neighbors would partake in this ritual too.

There are no more construction sites in my neighborhood, and while I'm sure other neighborhoods have similar unwritten norms, perhaps if an outsider (me) were to pull up and start off-loading dirt, someone would take offense, and officer Todd W would show up.

My solution -- a clandestine dirt drop. It's not like I sleep at night. So I loaded up the back of Sean's beater truck with most of the dirt -- I didn't put it all in because hunger and mother nature caught up to me before I could finish.

Running some errands this evening with the wife, I spied the perfect place. So this evening at around 23:00, I headed out. I planned to use the universal "pick-up truck payload relocation" technique to rid myself of said dirt -- also known as Newton's first law of motion.

Say it with me... Everyone knows the 3 laws.

Law 1 -- If no external force acts on a particle, then it is possible to select a set of reference frames, called inertial reference frames, observed from which the particle moves without any change in velocity.

Layman's version -- An object in motion will stay in motion, unless acted upon by and external force. An object at rest will stay at rest, unless acted upon by an external force. Inertia for short.

It's simple. To move something in the truck bed to the cabin end, get some speed, and then stop suddenly. To move something in the bed to the tailgate end, either quickly take off, or while in reverse, get some speed and stop suddenly.

At this time, I would like to point out that the wife passed on accompanying me on Operation Dirt Drop, saying that someone needed to stay behind to bail me out, when the police arrested me. And when I explained the genius of my plan (inertia) to drop the dirt, her response was "And you think Sean's truck will be able to either stop or start quickly enough to accomplish this?" "I hope so."

23:00 - head out
23:13 - arrive at specified location, and extinguish all lights (there are inhabited houses all around.)
23:15 - drop tailgate, and make first attempt. While stationary, attempt quick acceleration (object at rest technique).
23:15.15 - nothing happened. No movement of payload.
23:15.17 - curse.
23:16 - attempt number 2. Again, stationary; quick (as truck allows) acceleration.
23:16.15 nothing happens.
23:16.17 - curse.
23:18 - attempt "object in motion will stay in motion" technique. Get some speed up, while in reverse and attempt to stop quickly. Didn't stop so quickly. Ran up on dirt pile. (Don't worry Sean, pile isn't big... more like small gradual hill.)
23:18.20 - curse again.


I try a couple of more times in each direction, but nothing happens. You'd think the story ends here, but this is when it gets good.

Admitting defeat this time around, I'm going to head home, but I need to put the tailgate up, because with my luck, while driving the payload will now decide to obey the laws of Newtonian physics.

I haven't mentioned yet that the times above are made up. In actuality, the area I was in was surprisingly busy with cars at this time, especially for a Monday night. There was a lot of waiting for cars to pass by before I made attempts.

When I lowered the tailgate originally, some of the dirt and rocks tumbled down onto the tailgate. While trying to force the tailgate closed, the bottom right corner of the tailgate comes off the truck. The other corner, and both fold down hinges are still connected, but the corner is definitely off. CRAP!

Fooling around with the tailgate some more, only manages to free the other lower corner. It's now 23:40ish at night, cars are driving past every couple of minutes, and I'm partially holding a truck tailgate in my hands. Have I mentioned, I need to be home by 00:22 to bid on a bicycle part on eBay for my father-in-law... a must have part?

I manage to prop the tailgate up with my leg on one side and man-handle the fold down hinge off. I then slide over to the other side and finagle that hinge off as well.

It would appear, I'm going to have to shovel the dirt off the truck just like I shoveled it on...

I throw the tailgate in the bed of the truck (up near the cabin, in case the dirt decides to fall out while driving), and head home with my tail(gate) between my legs.

P.S. Yes, a tailgate to a 1980's full size pick-up is somewhat heavy.

P.P.S. Yes, we won the must have part.

I'm going to bed!

1 Post, 2 Stories

Several others have pulled this off, so I decided I'll give it a try.

Did some landscape work around the house this weekend and took today off to finish some of it up. That being said, I needed a vehicle to transport some trees and some bushes. So I call up Sean and ask to borrow his beater truck.

Being the friend Sean is, he says no problem. However, since his truck's vehicle inspection expired in October of 2005, and knowing my recent run in with my vehicle inspection he makes the statement that he is not responsible for an fine or citation that should be incurred, if I'm stopped by officer Todd W (or anybody else for that matter).

OK.

So, I'm driving up Route 74 towards Dover square, while on my way to a nursery north of Dover. Dover square is under construction, and I'm patiently waiting 6 cars back from the sign turner (the person who's only job in the world is turn the sign from STOP to SLOW to STOP to SLOW... all day long).

Picture it, I'm south of the square, heading north. I'm far enough back from the square that I can't see it clearing, but again, I'm only 6 cars back from the sign turner. Sitting there, I watch 4 or 5 groups of cars drive by me -- we haven't moved yet.

Being a normal 4 way intersection, I'm thinking this means that the other 3 directions have been allowed to move... Why not us.

Story 1 - At this point a police car from NYCRPD comes driving by us in the opposite direction... He's driving slowly and looking at the line of cars in front of me... I can only think that he's checking out our inspection stickers. At this point, my thinking "Oh CRAP!", but I'm trying to watch him out of the corner of my eye, yet seem to be nonchalant about the whole situation.

He drives by me, and I can see no visible sign of recognition of anything. So I watch him in the side view... As soon as he passes me, I see brake lights. CRAP! Then he continues on. Every couple of cars I see brake lights, and at any point in time, I'm just waiting for him to somehow turn around and come back up to me. I can't see how this is possible, but until he disappears, I just don't feel comfortable. Finally he disappears down the hill and around the corner. Gone. WHEW!

Story 2 - By the time the police car disappears, another group or 2 have started to pass by me. The line of cars that extend behind me is at least .5 miles if not longer. Some people are turning around and finding other ways to get to where they want to go, but I want to head directly north... I'm not headed in any other direction. Eventually I wind up being 2nd in line to the sign turner. I'm close enough to have a "conversation" with the sign turner... Goes a little something like this.

"When are we going to get a chance to go?"

"When I turn my sign. Have I turned my sign, yet?" -- I wasn't the first to have a conversation with her.

"I've seen 6 or 7 groups of cars go by. They're coming from somewhere. Why don't you turn your sign so we can go. It's not even our lane that's under construction."

"There are other lanes of traffic, and a signal to deal with. You'll get your turn."

"I don't think you understand. 6 or 7 groups of cars means that the other lanes have each gotten to go, probably more than once, while I've been sitting here, patiently waiting for you to turn your sign."

"You'll go when I turn my sign."

"Why don't use that walkie/talkie thing and ask when we can go. I realize there's a reason you turn a sign for a living, but come on... "

30 seconds later, she turns her sign. While driving by, we exchange pleasantries and wish each other a great day.

Just my luck

Living in PA, we are required by law to get our automobiles inspected on an annual basis; and in my area we are also required to also get our emissions inspected.

My car inspection is due in September... meaning by September 30, I have to have had my car inspected. This past September, I got my car into the garage and the inspection done on time. However, my tires failed and the garage didn't have my size tires in stock.

No problem, figured I'd just pick the car up, take it somewhere else, get tires, and then get the car re-inspected.

Everything went according to plan, except the "re-inspection" part. In case you forgot, I got married in mid-October and left the country for almost 2 weeks. Bearing in mind, I probably got the inspection done at the last possible moment, this means that we are in October by the time I got the tires. Frankly, I never got around to getting it re-inspected, and just forgot about it.

Until...

Driving back from lunch last week, I got pulled over by the fuzz because the car was out of inspection. Great!

I'd tell you what the ticket cost me, but I don't know. Apparently, it's a sliding scale, and I won't know what the cost is, until I call the local District Justice. Also, I didn't get around to making an appointment for the inspection until today.

Driving over to the garage tonight, I was once again pulled over by the local fuzz, because... my car was out of inspection.

When the officer approached the car, I knew what the deal was. Before he could say anything, I told him I knew the car was out of inspection and that I was actually on my way to the garage to drop it off at that moment. Also, pointed out that my wife was right behind me (she had pulled over behind the officer) to give me a ride back.

His response (bear in mind it's around 6:00pm) was: "Do you have any proof of this?"

I wasn't aware that you get a confirmation mailed to you from the garage when you are taking your car in for inspection. What kind of proof did he expect?

Other than my offer to follow me the final 2 miles and watch me drop the keys into the after hours box, I had no proof to offer.

I would like to tell you that officer Bob (I'm making the name up) let me go with a warning.

I'll let you know what the ticket costs me once I find out.